My Personal Space

I went back to school today, just for the hour. It’s the beginning of my final year in school. We were brought in for the routine “Welcome Back” speeches from our teachers and Principal. Of course, when you’re in your last year, most of these speeches are more like prep-talks for the exams we will be doing at the end of the term. We were just finished listening to the last speech, about to leave, when our Principal had something to say.

He told us that Joseph Olwill, a guy in our year, had died the previous night. I have known Joe for the past 12 years at least. I went through Primary and Secondary school with him. I grew up with him. I spent entire Summers with him. The news, obviously, came as a huge shock.

Joe was easily the funniest guy I have ever known. He would bring a smile to anyone’s face. He was always the life of the party. I’m not even making this up. Joe was also one damn crazy bastard. He would do the weirdest things, simetimes at the most inappropriate times. One such example, which Dan reminded me of today is this: We were in school, and there were posters up for a fundraising event being organised by the Fourth Years in our school. Out of nowhere, Joe rips down the poster and starts laughing like a mad man. Our principal was right behind him.

Joe did crazy stuff like this all the time! He was honestly one of the nicest people I have known, and as I said earlier, the funniest. There’s not much more I can say about it. My thoughts are with Joe and his family, and I know I’m not alone. I created a page on Facebook in his memory, because there wasn’t already one. I asked people to share their memories. In a few hours, it already has 328 likes, and over 30 Wall posts of memories.

You will be missed, Joe. I’ll miss you in Music. I’ll miss giving you a lift home. I’ll miss walking to and from school with you. I’ll miss the laughs, I’ll miss the smiles.

Yours,

Nacho Man Celli

Well, Summer for me is coming to a close. It didn’t go by fast, but at the same time didn’t go slowly. It was just a nice, relaxing Summer holiday for once.

As I said in my previous blog, “Happy Anniversary”, I’m finally in a happy and comfortable place. Usually Summer would be the worst time for me, but thankfully, this Summer was a HUGE exception. I can easily say it is the best Summer I have ever had. No, I didn’t go on Holidays. I didn’t go on trips. In fact, I didn’t even leave Dublin, let alone the country! Despite that though, it really has been the best Summer of my life, and that is mainly due to the face that it was happy. 

This blog is a look back over my Summer. I must admit, it has been quite a productive Summer. Plenty of things have happened, and this blog is just a list of those things.

Celebrity Contact: This Summer I have had some celebrities reply to me over Facebook and Twitter! Needless to say, I’m delighted. Now, when I say celebrities, I don’t mean the likes of Stephen Fry or Paris Hilton. I more or less mean “my idols” than celebrities, but either way they are famous to some degree, especially to me.

• James LaBrie: Yep. I’m going to start off with Dream Theater’s lead singer, James LaBrie. I complimented his amazing singing voice over Twitter, and the next day I woke up to a Tweet from him. I felt fucking awesome, and I still do

!

• Anna Daly: A Lot of you will not know her, but Anna Daly is the weather girl/presenter of Ireland AM, a daily breakfast show here in Ireland. She’s really nice, and I met her at the KISS Concert in Dublin last year! 

• Sinead Desmond: Another presenter of Ireland AM, and again a lovely woman. Two replies from her! This makes me a happy lad!

• Cobus Potgieter: An amazing drummer, just so you all know! I only know of him through my good friend Dan (Follow him, he is really awesome!) And I have him to thank him for this reply!

• Rody Walker: Next up on the list of Famous replies is Protest The Hero’s lead singer Rody Walker! As a joke, I added him on Facebook as a friend. To my amazement, he accepted. Needless to say, I completely freaked. I’ve been talking to him quite a lot actually! Amazingly enough, he responds to all wall posts. He’s so damn amazing.

• Arif Mirabdolbaghi: One of my 3 bass Gods, Arif is the Bassist for Protest The Hero. I was Tweeting the official Protest The Hero Twitter, asking if it was actually the guys who used it. Turns out it was! It was in fact Rody and Arif who use it. Arif was the one who replied to me!

• Ellen McLain: One of the most wonderful women on this Earth. Ellen McLain is the voice of GLaDOS in Portal and Portal 2. She is also the voice of the Overseer in TF2 and HL2. Just so you all know, I have a heave obsession with Portal. In fact, the Laptop I am writing this on now is named GLaDOS, and has a Portal Theme. I have had this Laptop for 24 hours. 

In terms of famous replies, that’s really it, apart from one very special thing I’m saving for the end of this blog. I’m delighted by each one of these replies, and I will of course never forget them! They all happened in the space of 3 months. Amazing!

I actually have a lot more to show for this Summer than I originally expected. As a lot of you may know, I vowed this Summer that I would do a bass cover of every Billy Talent song ever recorded. To be honest, I did that quite a lot faster than expected! I put each cover album up for free download, and between the 3 Billy Talent Albums and the album “Cover Artistry” (A 10 track album of bass covers from other favourite bands of mine), I have hosted 50+ downloads of my work! The support of everyone has really meant a lot for me, and I thank each and every one of you that downloaded any of my covers!

Other than what is listed above, I haven’t really done a whole lot more. I got my nipple pierced at the start of summer, and got a Laptop at the end. In between that, I’ve just been with family and friends, going to the cinema, hanging out and such. Like I said at the start of this blog, it’s not necessarily the amount of things I did that made this Summer the best of my life, but rather the quality of it. I’ve never been happier in my life.

Here’s the thing I was saving until the end of the blog. A RT from my favourite band in the whole world. Billy Talent. Along with Portal, my other obsessions include that of Billy Talent. I have an entire wall in my room dedicated to them. Don’t believe me? 

Told you. Anyway, after assembling my shrine, I took a picture and tweeted it to the guys. I woke up the next day with a load of emails notifying me of replies from people on Twitter, commenting on the picture. Turns out, the guys Retweeted it to all of their followers! I was so god damn happy! It’s amazing to know that your favourite band has taken notice of you, even if it was just one glance at a picture!

I go back to school tomorrow for my final ever year, before College that is. I’m going to take it easy and not stress myself. I’d rather be happy than be worried about exams that, in reality, make no difference to my career/course choice. (Seeing as in Ireland there are a thousand courses I can do before College if I do not get my points)

Yours,

Nacho Man Celli

One year has passed and I have never felt better in my entire life. I’m finally happy with who I am and what I do. I am finally able to appreciate my life, and not live in a form of secrecy.

This day last year was when I finally took control of my life. I came out of the closet to my family. Believe me, that was not an easy thing to do. It was possibly the hardest thing, emotionally, that I have ever had to do in my life thus far. The outcome wasn’t instantly great, no. It took a couple of days for my mam in particular to get used to the idea. After that though, it’s been nothing but 100% support all the way. It was honestly such a relief to get that off of my chest. I had known I was gay since I was 11 or 12, and around the age of 13 I told my friends. However, it took several years, and several boyfriends later to finally tell my family.

Today doesn’t just mark the one year anniversary of one event. It marks something a lot… darker, if you will. This date last year, I kicked a disgusting habit. Self harm. Every day I used to cut myself. Every Summer in particular it used to get really bad. Last Summer it got so bad that my best friend ended up having to tell my parents. This was August 18th. I promised them that I would never harm myself again, and I haven’t hurt myself in 365 days. The same day, I began the procedure of getting help for my problem, namely, depression. This day last year, I went to the doctor and we explained everything. The next day, the 19th, we were given an appointment with a psychopharmacologist/psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. See, I never really had anything to be sad or depressed about in my life. I had great family and friends, and had no trouble in school. I was simply depressed for no reason. I thought I was crazy, but it was actually all caused by that chemical imbalance.

Since that day, I’ve been on medication, and I just took my 365th tablet this morning. I recently found out that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. I’d like to say something, just for clarity, peace of mind and to even give a bit of advice to anyone in the same position; There’s no shame in being on medication for a mental illness. Diabetics need insulin to survive. Asthmatics need inhalers to survive. People prone to blood clots need blood thinners to survive. The list is endless. There’s no shame in needing a little help. I have no shame being on medication. It has allowed me to enjoy my life. It has allowed me to be happy. It has allowed me to be myself.

I am thoroughly looking forward to enjoying another year free of that disgusting habit, free of stress and free of depression. Then I will enjoy another year after that… and another year after that… and another year after that…

Yours,

Nacho Man Celli

Over the years, I’ve seen my fair amount of debates on this topic. Is crying a sign of weakness or strength? Well, if you ask me, it’s a strength. By far. Anyone who says otherwise, in my opinion, is stupid.

I’m going to show how it’s a strength under 3 main headings. Physical, Mental, and Social.

Physical Strength: Now, I was never much in to Science, but crying and producing tears requires energy. Just like moving a muscle, you need energy to do so. Tears are formed in a tiny gland present in the upper eyelid of your eye, called lachrymal glands. Although the energy needed to produce tears is miniscule, energy and strength is still needed to do so.

Mental Strength: Usually when people debate about this topic, they focus on the mental factor, and rightly so. To be honest, it is the only thing there is to argue about when it comes to this. Allow me to quickly explain the concept of “closure”, I’m sure you know of it.

Closure or need for closure is a term used to describe an individual’s desire for a definite answer as opposed to enduring uncertainty. It is a need usually provoked after experiencing an emotional conclusion to a traumatic life event.

Crying is a form of closure, at least in my opinion it is, and I’m sure a lot of people agree with me on that. When people get closure, they tend to feel a lot better, and ready to move on. Seeing as closure achieves strength, and crying achieves closure, crying is a form of strength mentally.

Social Strength: Now, this paragraph is going to be quite flawed and contradictory. I often find it hard to express my views in a way that makes sense to other people. As the title of the Blog Space says, this is My Personal Space. A space to just express my own views in the hope that others agree with them and understand them.

Anyway, on to my point. In a society where males are supposed to act “strong” by not crying and showing their feelings, you would think that crying is a weakness. Yes, in many areas and cultures it is seen as a weakness for men to cry. Seeing as bottling up your emotions is damaging to your mental health, crying and expressing your emotions is somewhat strengthening. Societies and cultures that see this as a weakness are just further damaging a persons mental health.

I feel that crying and letting out your emotions, to friends and family, is a sheer sign of strength. I feel that expressing yourself to your friends and family strengthens the relationship you have with them, thus making crying a social strength.

I honestly believe that anyone who says crying is a sign of weakness is an idiot. “95% of people cry. The other 5% just lie about it.” Holding it in is extremely damaging to one’s mental health, and I believe I have read before that it can lead to some severe mental illnesses. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is true.

Cry. Let it out once in a while. I can assure you it will make you feel better, if not immediately, in the long run for sure.

I leave you with a quote from Freddie Prinze, Jr. from that one episode of Friends:

“It’s all right! Crying is good. it lets the boo-hoos out!”

Yours,

Nacho Man Celli